You ever been in a house where you touch the refrigerator and either the kitchen sink or stove at the same time - and you get an amazing jolt of electrical energy? Well, that’s what it felt like when I had the PICC Line installed. They hit nerves along the way sending what feels like large zings of electrical shocks down the arm into the hand…. only you can’t stop it by letting go, you just lay there, inform them, to which you get an oh well “hang in there” response. I was calling it a Pick Line instead of PICC, which I think would be a better term for it when you feel like you’re getting “picked on”.I used to have the kind of veins that anyone inserting a needle would just drool over. They were picture perfect great. And now they’ve have become hidden by swelling & weak making them apparently hard to work with. I was originally told they’d probably give me some type of sedation, especially since every thing that has any nerves in it seems to have become so over sensitive from treatments even skin.
But they opted only for a “Novocain” type shot. Geez even shots hurt now so much so that my palms begin to produce their own un-zen-ish waterfalls. I never had sweaty palms in my life.
I swear to god I’ve never been a big baby about this kind of thing. I’ve had more surgeries in the past 15 years then I can could on my fingers. I think my toes are about used up by now too.
BUT….
DOESN’T ANYONE REMEMBER LAUGHING GAS FOR CRYING OUT LOUD?!?!Feeling of euphoria – that’s a welcome feeling
Hallucinations? I’ll work through that for the euphoria trade.
No veins, just breathe. Why can’t they use that?
Geez, give me an upright can of Redi Wip for me to suck on at least.Why do humans have to "just hang in there"?Anyone else have a story of a time they wish they had some kind of sedation?dealing with children? boss? surgerical procedures? Um.. yeah... no... I want THIS 66666
(if you only want the funny, skip down to the last paragraph) One day I noticed my hands seemed red. Like someone who has bad circulation or high blood pressure. I didn’t make a stink about it, because I figured everyone would think I was being a big baby or making something out of nothing…. A couple days latter… well, long story short, something was really wrong (along with numbness on one quarter of my face, down my neck, swollen arm)…. A trip to the hospital revealed my blood clotting. There was at least one at the site of the medi port. (interestingly, I realized later what my platelet count being quite high meant. First time it was 155, the last time it was 499, which means blood thickening. Apparently the person, who drew my blood that last time, didn’t pay attention to that & just tucked it away in my chart. If only we had a jump on the blood thinners & daily shots in my stomach, perhaps I wouldn’t have had to have surgery to remove the port, with still 4 treatments left.) After a week & a half of bringing me up to thinning blood at 2.2 with shots in the stomach (including Saturdays & Sundays at the hospital) and coumadin it dropped down to 0.9 in just 2 days (because I had to stop taking the meds & let it thicken again for surgery). The needle sticking before surgery was nothing to be desired. How many failed pokes in my swollen clot side arm, along with failed attempts to get a line in my foot & ankle (they kept poking THROUGH the vein) I had to let them go in my left arm, which is a huge no no when you’ve had any lymph nodes removed (again, I had 30 taken). WHY? Because then you risk developing swelling in the arm, hands, fingers, that will never go away once it’s there. One nurse almost said elephantitus then changed it to a more technical term. I had to start the shots & orals back up. Now after a week it’s back up to 2.5 (they need it to be between 2-3 so that it’t thin enough & the body can try to dissolve the clot on it’s own.) Now, my left arm is beginning to swell, but I don’t have a good arm to compare to show anyone how much.
So, now the port is gone. They say they will try to get into a vein for the next treatment and after that I need to get a pick-line. HA HA Ha, they really thought (with what little experience they told me in the beginning they have with getting a vein, which is why they prefer ports) they actually thought they’d be better at getting a vein & not collapsing it with pushing treatment when an anesthesiologist couldn’t? Yeah. Ok. Sure. They broke through the same vein a couple times & gave up. I missed my scheduled treatment. Which has repercussions of its own.
But, I’m scheduled for the pick line Tuesday (5/20) and chemo on Wednesday near a week late. I’m guessing this throws of the entire schedule…. Scared again. I know this has great potential to be painful.
In the middle of all of that…..
2nd Chemo, we decide I won’t take Neulasta because of the harsh reaction I had. Right?
So… just when I feel like I can actually get up myself & I gain a little strength, along comes a cold sore, and the red spots on my head start to turn to itchy bumps. White blood cells are declining leaving me with nothing to fight the cold sore with, and they think the bumps on my head are shingles, which could be pretty damn serious without immune systems working. More meds are assigned…. I go pick them up. Now, I know cold sores are one form of Herpies but I didn’t know that about Shingles as well.. so, the new young woman at the pharmacy passing over my medicines in the drive up window is looking at me pretty funny. 
Odd looks & sideways too…. I really didn’t understand why she’d be looking at me that way. Until I got home and opened the instruction sheet she folded up. In big huge bold letters it says “this medicine is used for GENITAL HERPIES”….. funny how that phrase “genital herpies” was in BIG BOLD and CAPITAL LETTERS on that sheet. TWICE! But “shingles” was in regular print. I felt like running back there and telling her "NO! I DON’T HAVE GENITAL HERPIES! JUST a COLD SORE & MAYBE SHINGLES! NO, REALLY!"
Instead, I just had a laugh about it.
I’m sorry to everyone I have not called.
I’m sorry to everyone I have not called or e-mailed back.
I’m sorry to everyone I have not personally thanked for the kind 
things you’ve done or sent or the prayers. (I immensely appreciate every card & well wishes, prayers & cookies…. Everything I receive I am truly thankful for deep in my heart.)
THANK YOU!
Just when I feel I’m gaining some bearings and maybe can begin to concentrate on those things, the rug gets pulled out from under me and I lose my ground.
It is really hard to “stay positive” when you get beaten back down. There are days when I really want to smack someone that says “keep positive”. But there are days when I REALLY need to hear it. ((I’ve had some setbacks.))
Bobby’s job was prolonged, which is a great thing! Unfortunately, he had to go to night shift to do it. While everyone else received their official & final kiss-off notes, we will be wondering when he will get his & if he will have as much notification time as the others. But for now, we are happy he was offered this “extension” which helps my situation. Sarah misses her Daddy though. She misses watching Funny Home Videos with him & trips to the cottage. I think she even misses him picking on her like a big brother would. She is also worried he'll get into a car accident and she won't know because she'll be sleeping. I don’t have the energy to do things with her I’d normally do, which makes Dad’s screwed up schedule (and working Saturday & Sundays) feel like a double whammy for her.
