Quick update.
I had full CT & MRI of brain & c spine last week.
There were a few we’ll call them “minor” things they could see, such as the areas I’ve had trouble with for years, spots on lungs, plus herniated discs in my neck. They also uncovered a spot on or near thyroid which has doubled in size (in 2 months) since August. I’m going in this afternoon for a scan to evaluate that spot further.
How am I feeling? Ok. I’ve never complained much over the years and just lived with pains, but am learning how important it is now to tell the doctor. Getting around has been progressively harder in the past month. Feel like a 90 year old woman shuffling around when I get up in the morning or get up from sitting… driving in the car… I have numbness which has gotten worse… there’s pains when I try to go to sleep at night… fatigue is up there as well, often times I just need to drop right where I am, which really sucks if I’m in the car… but I’m not puking so I consider that a very good thing.

And you’ll all have to forgive me if I ask you the same question over and over, or forget you told me something. I’ve come to the realization “chemo brain” has a meaning I really never expected could run so deep. I’ll ask my daughter a question and she’ll say “MOM! You JUST asked me that. TWICE!” Which I never realized. Because I sure didn’t remember the answer. Or someone will say, “I TOLD you that.” And I can’t sit back and recall it to say “oh yeah, I remember now”. Because I seriously have no recollection of that conversation.

I sure hope these are all things that will improve!

So if you see me and ask how I am, I won’t go through the whole routine… I’ll tell you what my grandfather always said… “I’m still kickin’!” …And for that, I give thanks.

Hope you all have a blessed Thanksgiving!

I was feeling particularly pissy with my husband the other day….

I heard a line form a movie that sums up how I’ve felt the last couple days, including this morning.
From tired wife to her husband: “You don’t need ME to meet every single one of your needs at the exact moment you need them met!”

He has been walking around for DAYS saying, what do we have to eat? Instead of pulling out great leftovers and popping them into the microwave, he wants me to do it FOR him. At times I enjoy doing it for him. Other times, I just don't have the oomph to.

===== Any way I slice it, what I wrote here wasn’t nice. It didn’t reflect the person I am or want to become. So I have removed the “husband bashing” portion. A couple people caught it before I retracted.=====

He hasn't gone through grueling cancer treatments that may or may not work. How could he rank that?

I was about to yell at my husband and tell him I have the ultimate excuse. I have cancer. That’s a damn good excuse. Yes. Damn good. Then I realized, perhaps it’s not the ultimate excuse. Things could always get worse. They REALLY COULD.
I still have all my limbs. They still function. Though it hurts, I can still walk. We still have a roof over our heads. We have a beautiful, smart, loving daughter. I’m still married to the man I was attracted to at the age of 13. He doesn’t have an abusive bone in his body. He’s an animal lover to the hilt. He truly loves and cares about his family. Men just have a different way of showing it. He is a joke cracking, belly laugh funny kinda guy, friendly to everyone. He always does something to make you forget instantly that you were even infuriated with him in the first place, which reminds me why I love him. And I feel guilty about even thinking things like this, much less writing about them. He works hard. VERY hard despite his back problems. He takes out the garbage and does his own laundry. Even though he ticks me off, I still love him and wouldn’t want to be with anyone else. I still have my loving and supportive mother. I have damn good in-laws (sorry I’m bitching about him!)

In the beginning, the initial shock, he was fantastic. Now that he sees me walking around and talking, he thinks everything is perfect great. No pains, no sickness, I don’t need help. I think he just needs a bit of a kick in the pants. Instead of dwelling, HE is trying to bring as much normal to the situation as possible. How can I bash him for that?