Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Quick update.
I had full CT & MRI of brain & c spine last week.
There were a few we’ll call them “minor” things they could see, such as the areas I’ve had trouble with for years, spots on lungs, plus herniated discs in my neck. They also uncovered a spot on or near thyroid which has doubled in size (in 2 months) since August. I’m going in this afternoon for a scan to evaluate that spot further.
How am I feeling? Ok. I’ve never complained much over the years and just lived with pains, but am learning how important it is now to tell the doctor. Getting around has been progressively harder in the past month. Feel like a 90 year old woman shuffling around when I get up in the morning or get up from sitting… driving in the car… I have numbness which has gotten worse… there’s pains when I try to go to sleep at night… fatigue is up there as well, often times I just need to drop right where I am, which really sucks if I’m in the car… but I’m not puking so I consider that a very good thing.

And you’ll all have to forgive me if I ask you the same question over and over, or forget you told me something. I’ve come to the realization “chemo brain” has a meaning I really never expected could run so deep. I’ll ask my daughter a question and she’ll say “MOM! You JUST asked me that. TWICE!” Which I never realized. Because I sure didn’t remember the answer. Or someone will say, “I TOLD you that.” And I can’t sit back and recall it to say “oh yeah, I remember now”. Because I seriously have no recollection of that conversation.

I sure hope these are all things that will improve!

So if you see me and ask how I am, I won’t go through the whole routine… I’ll tell you what my grandfather always said… “I’m still kickin’!” …And for that, I give thanks.

Hope you all have a blessed Thanksgiving!


soulMerlin said...

Have a wonderful Thanksgiving Carol. Forgetting things is one of my hobbies, I forget the names of people I have worked with for months.

It's hard for you, but just keep going (which you are) As Winston Churchill said: "Just keep buggering on"....(and he helped us to win the war)



Robin Easton said...

Dearest Carol,

I always feel so strong when I read your honest heartfelt thoughts. I think it's because I feel your enormous courage. I know there are times that you probably don't feel courageous, but you are SO courageous and it hits me to my core. Courage doesn't mean that we "feel" courageous at the time of our trials, I think it means that we keep going not matter how we feel.

I want you to know that I think of you so often, not just when I come her and leave a comment. But I am keeping you in my prayers as well. You have touched my soul so many times.

Even though you are already doing this, I say it any way, just keep going one moment at a time. There are those who are with you, like SoulMerlin or myself and others.

Your soul shines and touches us all. Know that.

Much love,