Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Some want to talk but some just clam up

I hope this doesn’t come off as a harsh rant. These are merely the thoughts that run through the heads of some of… “us”. The people that belong to a “club” that no one ever wants to join.

To those calling, leaving messages, I appreciate you so very much! And again, I apologize for not returning your calls.
Some of my own family members are on edge wanting to know what the heck is going on with me that don’t own a computer or have Internet access. Whether you do or do not, please know I’m not avoiding you. Please don’t take it personally, or feel singled out or excluded. You need to understand, I have felt like shit beyond shit for 6 months now, holding my head up for 5 minutes could tire me. At times I didn’t even know what I was saying. I was just not able to communicate successfully. (Think back to a time when you were violently ill.... while you were throwing up, or resting shortly afterward, did you want to talk to anyone in those moments? How about pneumonia? You just wanted to sleep. You didn't have energy to chat.)

And let’s be realistic, there are people out there that ask how you are doing that don’t really want any details at all. Some want you to know they genuinely care. Some are afraid of what they will hear, don’t know how to respond but want to be polite by at least asking. Most legitimately DO want to know. It’s hard for someone on my end sometimes to know just how much information to spew. Essentially, I try to shut it off. However in turn I feel, I have nothing to offer to the conversation when asked “what’s going on?” or “how are things going?”. I feel there has been nothing for me to talk about except what’s going on in my house that I’ve been confined to, only nothing IS going on because I’ve felt like shit and haven’t done anything with anyone. Then there is the, you forget who you’ve told what to. After saying it a couple times, you just don’t feel like repeating it again. The story teller looses the oomph and the story becomes lacking and dreary. So, I have to say, blogging has been a great relief from that.

I’ll try to work on attitude adjustments and better time management now that I’m expecting to start feeling better.
Thanks for listening and being patient with me!
((Now that I'm thinking about it, I am realizing, instead of making excuses from my point of view, there is actually something for me to learn here! Damn))

1 comment:

gayle said...

Well, If you were not there for someone else in need, it is, lets face it, MY fault, not yours. I took up ALL of your time! You were there for me even when you told me you wouldn't be - or did you forget that you had to drive me to the hospital when I was in labor cause my ex-husband wouldn't? And what day did you tell me NOT to have the baby - Well, my son had his own idea about coming into this world - and you still came!! Did you get the shirt - how about my e-mail? People in the stores grab their children and go to another section when they simply READ mine, and you were right there with me for all of it - Only God can reward you for everything you've done, cause I will NEVER be able to do enough to ease the debt! Even Justin knows to call you when he is worried about me - So, my apologies if I took up so much of your time that you feel you were not there for everyone else enough, but I have a sneeking suspiscion that you were around plenty for everyone - and we are all just trying to make a small tiny dent in giving back to one who has given so much! - It is kinda like trying to pay of our national debt! FAT CHANCE!!! Love and prayers, as always, gayle